Embracing our Shadow

I am TOTALLY INSPIRED to write about our human shadow side after feeding my soul yesterday (as I do every Sunday lately) by watching Oprah's Super Soul Sunday.  This past year a couple of  spiritual based 'self help' books made their way into my world despite the fact that I thought I had pretty much read them ALL over the past ten years.  The first one was Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford which led to the second book by the same author called Why Good People Do Bad Things.  She also made a movie called The Shadow Effect which I had been wanting to see since I'd been aware of it's existence and today was that day thanks to Oprah :-)

Since reading Debbie's books, I've been consciously watching myself and my shadows and asking Spirit to show me myself and these darker parts I was possibly still hiding from myself.  You know what they say, ask and you shall receive!  This journey into shedding the light on those still unseen parts of myself is one that has been instrumental in my growth process.  It becomes more evident by the day, that things outside myself that trigger me have nothing to do with them and everything to do with me and my shadow (God I love when it comes out like a song?). :-)

We are all human so we all have this condition called the shadow or wounded ego.  Many people are afraid of their shadow and don't even want to consider that they have one.  It's that part of ourselves that believes bad things about ourselves because of earlier conditioning and usually painful experiences in our lives.  It is our inner loser, inner bitch, inner critic, inner judge, inner fraidy cat, inner rage, inner greed, inner jealousy, etc.  All of those traits we would rather 'push away' or not admit are there.  So we go through life pushing away and not accepting those 'ugly' parts of ourselves instead of accepting they are a part of us.


Going through life pushing down or hiding our pain, shame, guilt, anger, and self hatred takes ALOT of energy.  It causes us to push away those darker qualities of ourselves and bury them so deep we end up wearing masks to cover up what we DON'T want to be.  We put on a 'show' to compensate for what we perceive as our shortcomings.  In the end it surfaces anyway, the more time we spend trying to hide that part of ourselves the bigger the incident when it rears it's head.  

It's interesting though because we actually need our shadow sides at certain times in our lives, it's to learn to call on those part of ourselves when it's appropriate instead of denying it's even there and walking around like we're all that and a bag of chips.  To quote Debbie in her movie "either you're going to use IT (your shadow) or IT'S going to use YOU".  I agree whole heartedly.  There are times when we need our inner critic, our inner bitch, our inner fraidy cat so we need not deny those parts of ourselves, we really just need to be aware when those parts of ourselves are making themselves known, and asking ourselves if it's an appropriate time for that part to be heard.

I've actually named my inner parts so I'm callin' 'em as I see 'em lately and dealing accordingly and it's been such an amazing new tool that's helped me ALOT.  It also makes me realize how many parts there really are inside of us all and well, let's just say I can relate to Cybil and those with multiple personalities!!  We've all got a Critical Cathy, Judgemental Judy (Judge Judy get it?), Angry Annie, Jealous Jenny, Bitchy Betty, and the list goes on and those are some of the names I've come up with for my shadow parts.  Then there's Positive Polly, Happy Hanna, Joyful Joy, Willing Wilemena, Giving Gertrude, Forgiving Freda, and Receiving Rachel.  This process makes me aware which inner voice is currently in my head and simply the awareness of these shadow parts alone, means I've accepted them as part of me and allows me to switch from one state of being to another by quieting one voice and calling on a more positive one.  For as crazy as this may sound, it's working and I have never felt more happy and free or at peace in my life so far. Ever. Ever. Ever.

Our human basic 'shadow beliefs' are that we are not good enough, we are not loveable, and we are not worthy.  Makes me sad just to type that and think of all the years that I've allowed those beliefs about myself lead me through this life which kept me very familiar staying in my old patterns of self hatred.  Makes me sad to know that any human being feels that way about themselves yet the fact is we all have or do.  Now how do we help ourselves move through our shadows?

The key to our freedom is in EMBRACING instead of RESISTING those parts of ourselves that have caused us the most pain and realize there is no dark without light and no light without dark.  We need to be grateful for the dark because if we never knew fear, we would never know our courage.  If we never knew weakness, we'd never know our strength.  If we never knew anger, we'd never know peace, and the list goes on and on.  You might wanna try naming your parts too, it's kinda fun actually!


"The cost of ignoring a destructive pattern in ourselves, is self destruction" and "when we embrace our TOTALITY we experience freedom."

A man on the show talked about how he was sexually abused in a church setting when he was a young boy and how he lived his childhood in fear and his adulthood carrying his secret inside and the shame that was attached to that.  He explained that it was only when he was ready and willing to look at his 'shame', talk about it to someone who didn't judge him, he was able to find forgiveness in his heart for the shadow part of his abuser and the part of himself that felt responsible somehow.  He found he was able to free himself and move on to use his life to help others who've had similar experiences.  Forgiveness is not saying what someone did to you is okay, it's forgiving the shadow part of another human and letting it go to free yourself.  It doesn't mean you have to be friends with that person, it's something that's in your heart.  The first step is to simply be 'willing' to forgive...the process takes time but the willingness is important.

Our relationship to ourselves is the most important relationship we will ever have so it's worth bustin' out those mirrors!  This process isn't an overnight deal...it's pretty much an every day, life long deal but it's definitely worth the ride because in the end you will be shining your true light in the world and feeling lighter and happier than you ever have.  At least that's how it's working for me!

Thanks for letting me share my perspective and parts of my journey.  It's my intention to help others on their healing journey by sharing what I'm learning and putting into practice as I go.  We really are good enough, lovable and very worthy regardless of what our shadow tells us.  

"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."  ~  The Shadow Effect

Me and Rhea and our shadows :-)